


Darling, Our Love is a Tragedy

by Xanisis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, SOMEONE COME CRY W ME, SUCH A TRAGEDY, but i totally am, he was so good guys, it is the year 2k17 i should not be this emotion about anakin/padme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 16:35:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10416417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanisis/pseuds/Xanisis
Summary: It is harder than she thought it would be.





	

She was always going to choose someone wrong for her. 

 

.

 

_ It wouldn’t hurt you not to be alone, m’lady,  _ Typho says. She thinks, in some ways, he thinks he’s her father.

_ I don’t need anyone, _ she tells him, and he looks at her with pity.

_ You’re younger than you think you are, _ he says.

_ I’m your senator,  _ she doesn’t tell him. She doesn’t say he’s right either, but she thinks he sees it in the tilt of her shoulders. 

Being strong is not always easy, she finds.

 

.

 

_ Where is Anakin?  _ she says. _ He was supposed to be with you _

Her voice is not right. She wonders if she can ask again. She has had training for this, how to keep herself calm

Obi-Wan’s eyes are tired, as tired as she feels. He looks very alone, standing in the hangar bay, small and weary. The war has taken much out of all of them

_ We’ll get him back, _ he says, finally.

She’d thought she’d known what fear felt like in a body.

_ We’d better,  _ she says and watches Obi-Wan’s face tighten.

 

.

 

She’s twelve and Palo Jamabie has just broken her heart. She swears that she’s never getting married. 

_ Not ever,  _ she says, shakes her head.

Her mother smoothes her hair with a hand, says,  _ One day you’ll find someone that changes your mind.  _

 

_. _

 

_ Don’t look at me like that, _ she says. He has grown since she last saw him. His eyes are too knowing.

_ Like what?  _ he says.

Like I am human, like you want me, like--

 

.

 

Maybe she grew up too fast.

 

.

 

_ Do you worry for him?  _ she asks Obi-Wan. 

She expects a Jedi adage about centered strength, about self-control and letting go, but instead he looks at her with eyes like hers, too deep and vulnerable, and he says,  _ I never stop.  _

_ Sometimes I feel like an old woman,  _ he says, an admission.

_ We’ll find him,  _ he says, after too long has passed.

 

.

 

On their wedding night, Anakin is gentle, hands like paper on her skin.

_ Harder,  _ she whispers,  _ Anakin, harder. _

His face is so calm it almost scares her.

_ Anakin,  _ she says.

_ I want it to be perfect,  _ he says.

_ You’re perfect,  _ she says, takes his face in her hands.  _ You’re perfect.  _

 

_. _

 

It is harder than she thought it would be. 

 

.

 

_ I can’t believe I get to do this,  _ he says. They have been married three months. The palm of his good hand is calloused and scrapes her skin. She’s not supposed to like things rough, she knows, but she finds she wants him to unwind her, piece by piece.

_ You can,  _ she says, presses the words into his skin. She likes the way she can ruffle him, feel him loosen beneath her touch,  _ You can, you can, you can.  _

 

_. _

 

_ You won’t tell, will you?  _ Addressing it out loud feels like a sin.

_ What is there to tell?  _ Obi-Wan says.

 

.

 

_ Are you afraid?  _ she asks him.

They are both still very young. 

_ No,  _ he says, though she can tell it is a lie.  _ Jedi don’t feel fear.  _

He flips her over. His arms are strong and he feels solid beside her.

_ Are you afraid, Senator?  _ he asks, smile on his lips. She likes this side of him, the happy side.

_ Of course not,  _ she says.  _ How could I be when I have you to protect me? _

 

_. _

 

_ I dream about losing you,  _ he says one night, traces a pattern on the skin of her hip.

She turns toward him and finds for once his face is open like it used to be.

_ I dream about losing you too,  _ she says.

_ You won’t,  _ he says and there is something of the child she met on Tatooine in the set of his jaw.

_ Promise me you’ll always come back,  _ she says.  _ Promise me. _

_ I promise,  _ he says. 

Her nails dig into his skin like she could keep him there.

 

.

 

_ He wouldn’t hurt me,  _ she says.  _ Not Ani. Ani would never-- _

 

_. _

 

_ Anakin, come back to bed.  _

His body is tense under her hands and he looks older than the last time she saw him. He keeps doing that to her, growing up. 

_ I can’t sleep,  _ he says. 

It’s what he said last night. She can’t remember the last time she saw him peaceful.

She doesn’t say,  _ I miss you,  _ though it’s true. She misses him even when he’s inside her. She can’t seem to stop. 

_ I’ll stay with you then,  _ she says.

The lights of the city cast blue and red across his face, still and silent. She wishes, not for the first time, that she could take him back with her to Naboo, let the quiet soothe him, but the war has turned him into a soldier, and he wouldn’t leave with her even if she asked. 

_ Do you ever wish we’d made different choices,  _ she doesn’t say. Instead she says,  _ I’ll stay,  _ again and wishes it didn’t sound empty.

 

.

 

His hand is warm on her back. It is the early days and every touch feels like a secret.

She is not used to feeling weak.

 

.

 

_ You’re like a drug to me,  _ Anakin says, kisses her against the columns outside the senate. 

She wishes she didn’t feel the same way, that seeing him wasn’t like a shock to her system.

_ I missed you too,  _ she says, laughs into his mouth.

She is not afraid yet.

 

.

 

She is used to thinking of the Jedi as indestructible. Even Anakin in her bed, warm flesh pliant beneath her hand, has not quite cured her of the notion. You could not kill a legend.

_ Anakin,  _ she says. 

His eyes are bruised and he has a new scar wrapped around his torso. She wants to climb into bed with him, to sleep and wake and the war to be over.

_ Anakin,  _ she says again. There is nothing else.

_ Anakin, Anakin, Anakin. _

He kisses her like it is not the end.

 

.

 

His eyes are dangerous, she thinks, full of need and angry.

_ Do not ask what I cannot give,  _ she says, but there is an ache in her chest and she thinks she might be angry too.

_ I would for you,  _ he says,  _ I would give you anything you asked. _

 

_. _

 

She traces the scars on his body. There are more than when she last saw him.

_ Padme,  _ he says.  _ Padme, stop. _

He’s unraveling her, piece by piece.

Her fingernails are digging in, leaving marks on his skin.

_ I’m still here,  _ he says,  _ I won’t leave you. _

 

_. _

 

_ Anakin, come back to-- _

The light on his face, harsh and--

_ I’m doing this for you, Padme,  _ he says, a child in his face, petulant and scared. 

_ Ani,  _ she says,  _ Ani, I-- _

She feels the baby kick, a tiny world shaking.

 

.

 

_ Do you ever wish we’d made different choices,  _ she asks him.

_ I wasn’t aware we had a choice. _

_ We always have a choice,  _ she says.

He is staring at the ceiling. His eyes, when they turn towards her, are full and lovely.

_ I choose you,  _ he says,  _ I’ll always choose you. _

 


End file.
